Joy- An Advent Series, Pt. 3

“Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return. They will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness.” Isaiah 35:10

Joy…it has felt elusive this year. On many days, chasing joy feels similar to a dog chasing its tail. Round and round it goes and rarely does the dog actually manage to catch its tail. When he finally does, he lets it go quickly and the chase starts all over again. Joy slips through our fingers quickly, especially on the harder days.

What exactly is joy? And what does it truly mean to be joyful?  Many of us equate joy to happiness. The assumption is that when we feel happy, it means that we are also joyful. But, that’s not necessarily the case. Joy does not equate to happiness. Happiness is an emotion that we express when we receive or experience something that is positive. Emotions are fragile and fleeting and are dependent on the moment and the circumstance.  Joy, on the other hand is a way in which you live your life. It is a choice that you intentionally make in every moment of your day. Joy is to be content and have a deep satisfaction, no matter the circumstance.

On Mothers Day in 2005, after listening to a gentleman talk about adoption at a church service, I felt God’s call for my husband and me to adopt. After I was injured fighting a fire, I was told by my doctors that it would be better for me to not get pregnant and bear children. I was content with my family being just me and my husband. When God moved in my heart on that Mother’s Day, He moved swiftly and with such fierceness, that I could not shake the feeling away. We moved forward quite quickly with adopting a child from China. International adoption is not for the faint of heart. There are many hoops to jump through and thick layers of red-tape to cut. It’s an emotional roller-coaster ride that can turn even the calmest, even-keeled person into a tangled mess of anxiety and overwhelm. When we finally turned our paperwork over to China and got logged in to their system, the average wait for a referral for a child was 6-9 months. I just knew that we were going to have our child by the summer of 2006. I was filled with anticipation, excitement, and what I thought was joy.

The summer of 2006 came and went. The days and months started ticking by, slowing down with each passing turn of the hands-on the clock. It appeared that China was slowing down the adoption process and they gave no reason why. When we hit the year mark in our wait, my feelings started to shift and my anticipation began to turn into worry. My excitement turned into anxiety and my ‘joy’ turned into despair. And when 2007 rolled in, I felt crushed by the wait and the unknowns. Was I ever going to hold my child? If God laid this calling onto my heart in the way He did, why did it seem as if the process had stalled?

“Wait for the Lord’s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord’s help.” Psalms 27:14

In many ways, 2020 has felt similar to what I was feeling as I was waiting for my child back in 2007. I have faced many terrible tragedies this year. Almost weekly, I have been pummeled with tragic losses, illness, hostility, harassment, and deep betrayal. I was either walking someone through these circumstances or I was personally experiencing them. I would go to bed completely worn out. The next morning I would wake up with the hope that the new day would bring change and our situations would start to improve, only to be knocked back down by another blow. I had a hard time understanding why God wasn’t intervening. But, this time around I wasn’t crushed by despair or hopelessness, instead, I leaned harder into God. I didn’t want a repeat of how terrible it felt to carry around devastation, hopelessness, and bitterness.

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Instead of giving in to the fear of what was next, I invited God to meet with me in the mornings so that I could be filled with His mercies and goodness that I could carry throughout the day. Instead of allowing heartache and bitterness to take root, I sought wise counsel from others and talked and prayed my way through the circumstances I was dealing with. Instead of choosing to be incapacitated by sorrow, I chose joy. I didn’t choose to be happy, but I did choose to find deep satisfaction and contentment in knowing that God will one day redeem the pain and hurt that I have gone through this year.

“Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you crushed be happy again.” Psalm 51:8

One morning in early 2008, the phone rang. I looked at the phone and saw that it was the adoption agency calling. I started jumping up and down with excitement. I had been hearing rumors that we were next in line for our referral. Sure enough, the director shared with us that we were matched with a 9 month-old baby girl from the Province of Feng Du, and that we would be traveling in mid-march to go and get her. I was elated. The weight of all of the heaviness we felt for the 27 months we waited fell off. We were finally going to be able to bring a child into our family and it would happen sooner rather than later.

Hindsight is always 20/20 (no pun intended), and I look back in awe over how perfect the timing was for all of us. There were situations in the waiting years that I couldn’t have attended to if we had had a child. We would have traveled with a different group of families. And, we wouldn’t have been placed with our daughter, who molds into our crazy and wild lifestyle so perfectly. I can’t imagine us with any other child than her. God knew what he was doing. The joy of becoming her mother and parenting her for nearly 13 years has been incredible.

I imagine this scenario when I think of all that we have been through over the last 12 months. This 3rd week of Advent calls for us to reach for joy despite our circumstances. Our joy comes not from the fleeting moments that we endure, but instead from our hope and faith that Jesus will make things right one day. He came to us in a little, tiny, human package and grew up to walk through the darkness of humanity holding the light of hope and joy. Through His life and His death, we can live in the steadfast knowledge that one day soon, we will experience dry eyes, dancing, and happiness. That reality may feel like it’s out of reach, but I assure you that the sorrows of 2020 will soon fade away. The memories we have that are filled with pain and sorrow will be replaced with memories of lessons learned, resiliency, strength, and resolve. Jesus will one day redeem us, and that is where we can find true joy.

#2020 #advent #joy #hope #Christmas #God #Jesus