It’s December 1st…of 2020…one of the hardest years we have been through in recent memory. At midnight last night, I sighed a bit of relief knowing we had one more month to go before we could say, ‘adios,’ to this train-wreck of a year. I actually went into this day with some hope…hope that maybe this nightmare was almost over and some daylight was actually starting to peak through. And then the call dropped…man down…CPR in progress We rushed to the scene and did ‘all the things’ to try and save this man’s life. Compressions…Check Manual respirations…check Medications…check. We were ticking them off the list as we applied the life-saving measures. I rode in the back of the ambulance to help the medics try to bring this man back to life. As I was forcing air into his lungs, and praying, and willing this man to take a breath on his own, I couldn’t help but look at his face and think what a sick and twisted ‘joke’ this was. He made it to the first day of the last month of this wretched year, only to die. He was so close to the finish line of closing out this year. So close. In the ER, the doctor called his time of death at 1332. I stood frozen as the hustle and bustle of the staff moved quickly around me. I looked at this man and thought about his loved ones that had absolutely no idea he was gone. I wondered if he had plans for tonight. I wondered how often he joked about this crazy year. And then I wondered why this moment felt so cruel. This first day of the last month of this terrible, horrible, no-good, rotten year. I am going to have to get back onto the wrestling mat with God again. Sure, people die every day, no matter what year it is. Deaths this year just feel unnaturally cruel. The timing. The manner. The losses that reach farther than just the death itself. Chaplains struggle too. God get’s ‘the look’ from us too. I am just blessed that I have a relationship with my God that allows me to come to him with fists up and frustration seething from my heart. But God meets me every time and he lowers my fists and calms my heart.23h
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